To My Younger Self

At Union Gospel Mission, healing often begins with looking back. As part of our Life Recovery Program, participants are invited to reflect on their past through writing assignments that help them process pain and discover hope. Serenity, one of the women courageously walking this journey, has written a letter to her younger self that she wants to share:

To my younger self,

I would tell you that there is no perfect family out there, no matter how long you look. I’m sure you found that out going through seventeen foster homes in a three-year period. I would tell you that not everyone is your mother, and to quit ruining relationships from the resentment you have towards her. There are good people out there.

I would tell you that you may not get your own family. But God will bring people into your life to make you feel like you're not alone. You may not get your own kids, but you will be a mother to the motherless as you get older. You will get things that no degree will give you because you have the experience.

I would tell you that no trauma, abuse, or beating was for nothing. It will help many other women and children one day feel like they are not alone.

I would tell you that it’s okay to be mad at God. Your anger is what kept you sane, but it won’t do you any good to hold on to it for decades. I would tell you that it’s okay that you disassociate. That is a gift from God because He didn’t want you to see the things that you went through in your younger years.

I would tell you to love your body instead of self-harming because you didn’t want to feel. I wish you had someone to speak life into you in these hard moments of battle that you went through.

I would tell you that God didn’t pick my family that I was adopted into. God wouldn’t want me to go from addiction to addiction. But the enemy knew how strong my calling was going to be.

I would tell you that money won’t buy love. I know that is what you were shown, but it will take you to some very dark places that you don’t want to go to if you aren’t careful. I would tell you that you’re not too far broken for God to use. That one day God will knit you back together. That you may be shattered, but even a broken vase can be used.

And I would tell you that you aren’t weak. That you weren’t supposed to endure those things as a child. You aren’t weak. You’re a strong and courageous girl who God is going to turn into a warrior one day.