Telling the truth

A few weeks ago, I had my worst case of writer’s block ever. I asked for prayer from pretty much everyone I knew, and many of you were kind enough to pray for me. I’m grateful. The July edition of the Mission News is out. Yay! (Seriously, I think confetti and cartwheels might be in order.) The words never did flow smoothly, but one morning, I woke up with a fragment of an idea and, bit by painful bit, it grew into the newsletter cover story. 

Illustration: writers-block_ellie

So, thank you for entering into the struggle with me.

Unfortunately, here’s the thing about deadlines…there’s always another one. But, before moving forward with the August newsletter, I thought it might be a good idea to ponder what happened last month. Why was it so maddeningly difficult to do my job?

Calvin & Hobbes by Bill Watterson

My second suspect was my own pride. Sometimes I psych myself out in my desire to do a good job. Yes, I want to do excellent work for God and to honor the person whose story I’m telling, but when I’m totally honest, I also want people to think I’m a talented (OK, amazing) writer. For me, the answer to combating pride is to put my fingers on the keys and force them to move – punching out letters, which turn into words and sentences and pages and pages and pages…of not very good stuff.

At this point in the process, I was becoming borderline (a tad bit past borderline?) obsessive – upset stomach, insomnia, neck and shoulders stiff with tension – and my thoughts were spiraling downward: You’ve lost your creative touch. You’re never going to get this written. You’re going to lose your job. I approached the computer with dread and did the only thing I knew to do – try harder.

At some place way past the eleventh hour, God met me. I can't put it into a neat package for you (or for myself), and that's the whole point.

"Marketing," as an industry, is all about neat packages, but people's lives don't have crisp corners and frilly bows. I may be part of UGM's marketing department, but ultimately, I work for God, and his primary concern is not open rates or return on investment. He's way more concerned about the state of my heart: Am I compassionate? When I listen to Starla share the trauma of her childhood, is my heart wrenched? Do I suffer with her? And, bottom line, do I believe that his love can make a difference? That there is healing and wholeness no matter how deep the wounds?

Those are the questions with which God calls me to wrestle - on deadline and off. As my counselor told me recently, I am the guardian of the stories. The stories matter. The people matter. The truth matters. My real job is to tell the truth.

~Barbara Comito, UGM staff writer