Starla: Ashes to Beauty

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

[Song lyrics from “You are More” by Tenth Avenue North]

Starla came to the UGM Center for Women & Children directly from jail. When she went before the judge last December, he gave her a choice – prison or long-term recovery. Ashes or beauty. Starla almost chose prison. “When I first got to jail, I was like, I’m just gonna go to prison. I deserve prison.” At 32, Starla’s past defined her. Abandoned by her drug-addicted mother at age 6, she started using drugs and alcohol at 11 or 12, was molested in her early teens, ran away from home at 14 and never went back. Homeless, addicted and sexually promiscuous, Starla was in and out of jail, then prison. She had completed court-ordered treatment, stayed clean for a while, but always found herself back in the same dark hole. Her son was born in prison in 2005 and her daughter two years later.

Ashes felt more familiar than beauty. “I saw myself as someone who abandoned her kids and was not worthy of a healthy relationship…I’m not sure I’ve ever had an intimate healthy relationship; most have been abusive and full of drug use.”
Just before going to jail the last time, Starla said, the suffocating darkness threatened to annihilate her. “I was at my wit’s end. I was using meth and heroin together…and heroin took me to a place I’d never been, ever…I was afraid to not use, and I was so tired of using that I didn’t want to live through another day. I had never wanted to end my life the way I did that year.”
This is not about what you’ve done
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to.

Starla’s brokenness brought her to the UGM Center for Women & Children, but more importantly, it brought her to the One who lifted her out of the ash heap. “There was so much pain and suffering and darkness,” Starla said, “but He died for all that stuff so I could be free from the bondage of drug addiction, from sexual immorality, from shame and regret. He paid the price so I could become a new creation, so I don’t have to be recognized by my past because I don’t live there anymore. I’m not that person. I’m not a sum of those horrible things. I’m His daily delight.” Beauty is not skin deep. “I was always tough and angry, just real rough around the edges, and the enemy still tries to lie to me and tell me that I’ll never be elegant because of my tattoos, but that’s not true. People tell me all the time, ‘You’re softening right before our eyes.’”

Starla’s beauty shines out from her very soul, just as the Apostle Paul described in 2 Corinthians 3:18: We, who with unveiled faces, reflect like mirrors the glory of the Lord. “My spirit is alive, and that is beautiful. It’s alive in Christ, and that is…I can’t even describe it. It’s beyond my mental capacity.” After four years apart, Starla has her son back in her life. “I’m amazed every day by what God’s doing. He’s healing me, and because I’m getting better, my son is getting better.” Starla is a gifted singer and uses her voice to lead worship at the Center. She’s also beginning to realize that God has gifted her with empathy and communication skills. “I’m unique and special just the way I am. I’m a good mother. I’m a faithful friend. I’m a daughter of the King.”

Starla is crowned with beauty.