Written and read by Talia, UGM Resident, at a phase promotion event, August 2021.
When I was a little girl, I would look out my window at night and pray for God to put a shield of angels around all my loved ones. My list would get so long that I would eventually end up asking for a shield around the whole world. As a teenager, I went the other direction and started smoking pot and drinking alcohol. I started getting into tarot cards and dark magic. At one point, I actually denied the existence of God.
I had my daughter when I was 19, and the moment she came into the world, I knew I couldn’t deny God any longer. She was too miraculous to not be created with intention. I was married to my daughter’s dad for six years, and when we were getting divorced, I remember crying out to God, “I want to know what love is!” God replied, “You need to know my Son.” I had no idea what that truly meant. I continued down a path of self-destruction. I was seeking something to fill the giant void in my heart. I filled it with drugs, alcohol and men. Nothing worked. I was only emptier.
“I was seeking something to fill the giant void in my heart.”
Finally, at the end of my rope, I was drinking every day and using anything to numb the pain. I was depressed and suicidal. I was jobless and homeless. My daughter wanted nothing to do with me, my family and friends didn’t know what to do for me. I had woken up in the hospital with suicidal ideation and an excessive amount of alcohol in my system. I knew something needed to change. I made the call to UGM.
I had never understood surrender until I made the decision to trust God and come into Program. God said, “Trust me, jump, and I will take care of the rest.” He has been faithful in His promise. I finally understand what He meant by needing to know His Son. Jesus is the best thing that has ever happened to me. His grace is sufficient. I am learning how much I am loved and accepted by Him.
“God said, ‘Trust me, jump, and I will take care of the rest.’”
Without God and His Son, Jesus, I wouldn’t be here today. I am forever grateful that He rescued me from the pits of Hell. I have hope and a purpose. I am thankful to wake up each day.
Just like I did as a little girl, I look out my window at night and pray for shields of angels again.
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